Showoff With A Heart Pillows

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

Football player taking the ball home.

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

'Every pacemaker recipient is required to carry jumper cables...'

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

'Selling a stock and marking a profit is better than selling it at a loss, if only for the bragging rights.'

Sporting maladies.

"...and I'm an incredibly flexible gymnast. If you get my drift..."

'You wouldn't listen to me. You have to buy the biggest tree in the lot!'

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

"Now batting, No. 2, Derek Jeter—No. 2. Happy now, nut job?"

'...Psst...heel...heel Ben, psst...'

"If anyone wants me I'll be on the shop floor strutting my stuff."

"Have you got it in beige?"

'I SAID-what's wrong with a RATTLE like the rest of us?'

'You've played Pooh sticks right?'

King of the Swingers.

"Oh, we have a special hell for triathletes. It's just like regular life, except you can't talk about your triathlons."

Pete Carroll

Superstar photographs himself making the catch.

'Now that's what I call a trickshot!'

"Wake up, Larry - you're missing the pregame."

'I wouldn't read that book, dear...it's only there to impress visitors.'

"Who's he trying to impress? Silly ass!"

'Well, when in doubt, I always say, pick the wine that'll impress the hell out of the complete strangers at the next table.'

'Thirty,love...My lovey!'

Grandstander!

'No, I did not visit merely to tweak your nose!'

'The garnish was really good, but these biscuits are rather tasteless...'

'I knew it was easy, but I didn't realize it was ILLEGAL to take candy from a baby.'

'The seasons have a tendency to overlap.'