Server Sages Prints

Bill Johnson 1914-2000: Server Timed Out.

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'A cheeky red?'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Here's MY information highway!'

'Do you have any catsup?'

Fast food. Even faster food

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"You owe me five bucks."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."