Self-rewarding Genius Pillows

A perk of self-employment.

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Gabe's in the Guitar Hero program at Juilliard."

"Ah, ha! The universe IS expanding! I can't find my glasses anywhere!"

'The school. My counselor told me to make the most of it...'

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

"Quick! The ideas are hatching!"

'Tommy's book reports are like no other.'

'Interview Dr. Witt for your esteemed journal? Of course, as soon as his play period is over.'

Einstein's T-Shirt Reads: I'm with Stupid (Arrows point everywhere).

'Harrison will make the hard decisions and Dunwoody will rationalize them.'

Dangling Carrots

'Damn sea monkeys.'

Palm Reader...

Where baby grand pianos come from.

National #@*&%!$@? Tourettes Institute *&%!$

Sinking cruise ship, with band member saved by floating on cello.

"And you laughed when I had it installed."

"That guy invented the hula-hoop, the frisbee and the internet. Two out of three ain't bad."

'So you're a billionaire... Now what?' 'Have you learned to clean your room yet?'

"Do you know Issac Newton discovered gravity in 1867? Before that people could fly."

'I love you and your father loves you. Now go paint a masterpiece.'

'He solved his first equation today.'

'Oh, I know I get an allowance for cleaning up my room, but I'm on vacation this week.'

"He may be a child prodigy, but it's still a lousy C.V."

"Harold is a closet intellectual and he's never coming out."

As is often the case, many of the world's great discoveries are accidental.

Scientist.

'Password, password - come on Memory!'

"Just because the universe is expanding doesn't give you an excuse to expand with it, Fred."

'I make a great business consultant because I'm too smart to have a business of my own.'

Einstein's brain.

"Here it is, world! Extra-terrestrial intelligence! Me!"

"Forgive the informality—my secretary is on vacation."

How to win 'Genius Grants' for dummies.