Self-help Book Collectors Pillows

If you had awful, disgusting fish-breath, would you want someone to tell you? Nice try, amateur. But you're talking to the woman who wrote "The Art Of The Insult." It was a best-seller in 1941. You just quoted chapter 48, paragraph 7: "The Plausibly Deniable IF-sult." Yeah. Right, you made that up. Nice try. Chapter 42: "Sarcastic Dismiss-sult."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Victor Hugo

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

J. R. R. Tolkien

Rare Books

Woman blowing dust off book 'Desert Romance'

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Characters jumping out of a book.

Great British Eccentrics.

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

Do it yourself books.

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Sock Puppet in Literature

Sue the Author 3PM

You've read the book's dust jacket. Now, play the video game!

"I did the math. If we want to read all of Proust in this lifetime, we have to start tomorrow morning."

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'