Self-employment Survivor Pillows

"Dear Helen, Freelance works remains lucrative, but stressful."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

Working hours.

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

Information. Innuendo

"If I've got to work for a tyrant . . . I may as well work for myself."

Spam in inbox.

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

'I don't actually work for you. I'm a consultant.'

With the mine closing down due to Emission concerns...somone had to shake their booty to keep food on the table.

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

The Real American Dream

Self-employed.

'Where should I leave this?'

'I am sorry Davis, your bonus is a bit different this year, its all down to cashflow; but you can take your pick.'

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"'Can correctly complete a CAPTCHA image 8 our of 10 times.' Any other skills?"

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

"Help, I'm being micro managed."

Home Business - Business Cards.

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

'You're overqualified... so you'll have to act stupid.!

"I consider your opinion most valuable when you don't express it."

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

Umpires filing trays marked 'safe' and 'out'.

'I'm sorry. The CEO can't come to the phone right now. He's entertaining some prospective clients over lunch.'

Home Business - Starting Out.

Job Bored

"Your's is a thankless job so you can't be expected to be compensated."

I'm absolutely worn out. I've been unloading pig-iron all day.

'We gave your chair to another employee, Larson, because you spent so little time in it.'