Security System Snitch Prints

Man sees CCTV camera at gates to heaven

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Clickbait

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

'Gimme all your cache!'

Automation of Security

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

Cat reaching his paw into a mouse hole that is rigged with a guillotine; the mouse has many taxidermy cat paws displayed on his wall

Secret Service Dogs

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

Car robbers foiled by mousetraps surrounding a car.

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

'Roughly translated it says 'Can't remember the code to get into your pyramid? Call Pharaoh Locksmithing.'

What security flaw?

Shepherd watching sheep on closed circuit TV

'Wi-fi-fo-fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman!'

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

'Mr. Schmenk will see you now...IN PERSON.'

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

Safe under mattress.

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'

"You mean you leaked his password because he uses my name as his password instead of yours?"

Advanced Password Hint

"Have you ever noticed how the eyes seem to follow you around the room?"

Facial Recognition Software Installed