Security Scanner Fan Prints

'I'm sorry sir, but that slide rule exceeds the allowable length for a sharp object, unless, of course, you can manage to fold it.'

'Mommy -- Jimmy just wrote his first computer virus!'

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

'Dear, the good doctor appears to have misplaced my file. Can you fax over your copy?'

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

'If a hacker steals all my information from my health records do they keep my health problems too?'

"...And now step 2 disconnect power before plugging in..."

"Infecting their computers with the Pillage&Plunder Virus just doesn't give the same satisfaction as actually doing it."

"I think we're named after computer passwords."

"Oh, I forgot that you missed the meeting. Our data security team added some new protection when accessing patient data files."

'We've given up on anti-virus software in favour of this!'

Genetic Engineering - biohazards dept.

'Very impressive resume... new printer?'

"We don't need facial recognition for our long-term employees. We just match their butts to the seat of their chair."

'Stand back!...She's cleared out three local stores in the last year.'

'You need a better password. Everybody will be able to guess you password as 'woof'.'

Man looking at window with beware of attack bird sign.

Godzilla's Security Question

Putin and some Russian hackers

'Hey, look, the sprinkler system works.'

The stuff heroes are made of: Ernie courageously throws himself on a live fax machine and saves the entire department from an incoming round of layoff notices.

We know your e-mail address!

Safety pin factory.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'Now that's what I call a guard dog.'

"Can I see some I.D. - not that security doesn't already have you pegged."

"I understand your concern, but you don't have to wear that suit when getting on a public website. That's not how germs are spread."

"Sorry, guys, but it only opens for my paw print."

Put your nude photos on the internet! Confidentiality assured!

"It's an O.K. phone, but it takes great pictures."

"I'm looking for a sense of security and piece of mind in a short-recoil-operated, single-action semiautomatic."

'This chap's been through every day since we got the new scanners.'

"Security, would you review the surveillance tape and tell me where the hell I placed my keys?"