Security Alert Aficionado Prints

'Wait, I know. G'night Danny, don't let the bed bugs bite, Danny. We regret having to raise you to level orange, Danny...'

'Where was the TSA?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"The new computer is great, but we can't get rid of the old one. It knows too much."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"Get used to verifications. In the court of the internet, you are presumed a robot until proven otherwise."

CCTV in church.

"I think retrieving the info from that harddrive might be a little tricky."

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

Biro Security

"It's time to wake up!"

"I realize you don't want to miss that important business call next week, but setting your alarm to go off every 10 minutes until then is getting really annoying."

'Since PRISM, nothing is 'off the record' any more.'

"Some fine day, my son, all this will be yours."

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

"Tell me when it's all cyber warfare, and I'll enlist!"

IT security.

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

Diner. Breakfast Specials. I'm a type "C" personality. Until I have my morning coffee I have no personality at all.

'Your father installed a security system.'

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"