Secretary Pillows

"Miss Harwood, please see to it that the halls are decked."

'Outcomes...normally we just measure the height of the files.'

"No, not there, please. That's where I'm going to put my head."

'Put this memo in an envelope marked 'Confidential'. Drop it on the floor in the hall. Make sure you do not seal the envelope. That way, we can be sure all employees will read the memo.'

"Miss Dugan, will you send someone in here who can distinguish right from wrong?"

"Shall I file it or do you want to find it again?"

"We need a better piling system."

'Implementing these changes won't be easy. We're pretty set in doing things the wrong way.'

Can you do another draft of this? There's still a couple of sentences people might understand

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

'And the vote to have a unanimous consensus passed five to two.'

"Your integrity is on the line. Want me to say you're in a meeting?"

"He's not in today. You can email, comment on his blog, tweet him, leave a voicemail or contact him on Facebook. I can't take a message. That's above my payscale."

"Yeah, I keep a clean desk. Now all the mess is in the computer!"

Someone who knows apostrophes

'You have seven phone messages telling you to check your e-mail, and thirteen e-mails telling you to answer your phone.'

'Well I could help with 'A bit of filing and general help around the office' or you MIGHT like to benefit from my 25 years experience in software development and capital infrastructure investment experience.'

Desk trays - 'In', 'Out', and 'It depends'.

'...and here's our filing system.'

'Good morning. You have twelve million terabyte unread e-mails.'

"Miss Durban, is there anything C.E.O.-ish for me to do?"

Please wait to be yelled at.

Sylvia helped Robert to edit one of his memos.

Woman trying to do lots of things at once

'Our filing system could perhaps benefit from a little critical analysis.'

Manual automation in the office.

"We need to do something about excessive admin. I want you to fill out one of these forms every time you think you're doing some."

'Miss Frimley, do I take sugar'

"Miss Perkins, send in a good cause. I feel an attack of ethics coming on."

'Call me crazy, but I think my paperwork is actually following me.'

"I used to lose my secretaries because they were getting married - now they leave to start their own companies."

'These documents are highly sensitive. Have them shredded, then burned.'

'This memo you sent me is all in caps. Why are you yelling at me?'

'I hate toask again, but what is it I'm supposed to be looking for?'

"I'll leave that with you then."