Secret Code Sleuth Prints

'Is it one moo for yes two moos for no?'

$1: Family Secrets

"What did you think of the encryption article?"

Clickbait

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

Cryptologists Anonymous

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

Two men converse secretively

"This can't be soup....where are all the little letters that usually float in it?"

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

What security flaw?

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

'These disks contain backups of all my financial records in 25 different software programs. . . I need to make a deposit to your computer.'

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

Catholic Priest Gay Mardi Gras

"Chef keeps the secrets of his sauces close to his chest"

"Have you ever noticed how the eyes seem to follow you around the room?"

'It's okay, mom. I go through this every day at school.'

"I typed the incorrect password for my online banking so much that not only did they lock me out - they locked me up."

"You have exceeded the maximum number of incorrect password attempts."

"Leave the lights burning when you go home. Pass it on."

Advanced Password Hint

'Your acceptance is tentative until we can rule on the question of your knowingly using pirated software.'

He crash tests software.