Second-career Explorers Pillows

"Retirement will be a pipe dream for many of us...we need to explore new careers for later life."

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Giraffe Selfie

The Desert Island Package

Fossil hunting

"I don't get it. I got a job at a fulfillment center and yet I'm still miserable!"

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

"This is it? No video?"

Student to kid: 'School first, then Mount Everest.'

"I'm going to make you a stay-at-home mom."

"Exscuse me, but I think I'm in the wrong shaped hole."

"Yes, but is 'Bigfoot enthusiast' an actual job?"

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

Pubertry

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

Headphone swing

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

"In 200 cubits, right-turn, then stay on the current road..."

"You feel like a gatherer trapped in a hunter's body?"

I can be upgraded, can you?

'In denial and loving it!'

"I'm just curious why you included a section in your resume that says 'The lost years...'"

I love this age: Old enough to know better, young enough to get away with it. Ketchup.

"In five years I see myself sitting on the shoulder of a successful pirate captain."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack -- Career Duck

I've traveled back through time to warn: The aliens are here. Open Mike Night Presents Future Guy. They hitched rides in on Halley's Comet every time it's near. Living nanites masquerading as technology … depending on the gullibility of you and me. 200,000 years of riding horses and buggies ... and suddenly we're 3-D printing tools and cars and trees? They're everywhere, just biding time to finish their big plan. They're in your phones, your watch, your cars, and they are nearly done. The brain

"Singing cowboy AND notary public"

"I did a quick search for my lost requirements documents and I found them right away, but how do I get rid of the ads now?"