Sec Satire Admirer Pillows

'I never knew the SEC had a swat team..'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

UK border controls relaxed.

Lesser known greek gods,

How about going easy on the carbs

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

Czarcasm

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"A haand gel...!?"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

Hot cross buns

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

"And yet methinks, Martha, that 'Ibsen with Rhythm' seems somehow to miss the point of Ibsen."

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

"Well, that was the weirdest tribute band I've ever seen."

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'And remember team, if you can't join 'em, lick 'em!'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation. Of course my cough is productive. Everything I do is productive.'

'As you can see global climate change has encouraged some species to adapt to new environments.'

Football heads...

'Day two at the...brain transplant institute.'

A Gated Community.

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'