Sec Satire Admirer Pillows

'I never knew the SEC had a swat team..'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

UK border controls relaxed.

Lesser known greek gods,

How about going easy on the carbs

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

Czarcasm

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"A haand gel...!?"

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

Hot cross buns

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"And yet methinks, Martha, that 'Ibsen with Rhythm' seems somehow to miss the point of Ibsen."

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

"Well, that was the weirdest tribute band I've ever seen."

'And remember team, if you can't join 'em, lick 'em!'

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation. Of course my cough is productive. Everything I do is productive.'

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'This snuff video you sold me just shows people taking snuff.'

A Gated Community.

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

Shakespearean Celebrity Endorsements

'As you can see global climate change has encouraged some species to adapt to new environments.'