Scriptwriting Enthusiast Prints

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Herman Mankiewicz

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

A pretention of playwrights

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Mensa Does Improv

Hollywood producer.

Hollywood producer.

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Hang on a minute...'

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

"Great money scenes!"

TV Situations vacant.

"That movie was very familiar...a cute little girl who hangs out with monsters from a secret world."