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"Teacher says he has to use his own money to buy supplies. Can I help him out by dropping out of school?"

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

The Ekert Saga: 'Ah, another week of school begins...might as well try to make the most of it!...You're crampin' my style, Ekert.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'

"A laser blaster turns pesky little boys into ferns! Now that would be a cool school supply."

"Oh well, if you really want to see some scary chest thumping, come with me now and I'll show my school report to my dad..."

Welcome to algebra. As freshmen, you are the unknown variable X. After 32 years, I ask myself Y?

'By the second week of instruction all first-graders should be able to count to one.'

Mice taking lessons.

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

'And what pray tell do I do if the teacher asks me a question?'