School Nutritionist Pillows

'Hello - is that Jamie Oliver?'

'Hello, NSPCA?. . .Listen our school only does chips once a week.'

"I want scary costumes of a salt shaker and a blob of fat...I'm the school nutritionist."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"States of tofu"

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

Be Healthy

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Too much sugar."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

Bad for you but to die for

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

Studies show foods work miracles!

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.