School Choice Commentators Pillows

"Sometimes I wish I went to a magnet school."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

National Living Wage from April 1st.

"Neversource"

Why Superman flies himself

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, I'm safe from math, English, history, and science."

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

"I'm holding George back this year because he's failed to forge a personal style."

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

NHS Stabbing Ward

Self Checkout

"First the artillery softens them up. Then the armored division moves in, followed by the infantry. And remember: we're dealing with hardened asylum seekers."

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

'Illegal immigrants, if you ask me.'

"I hate when this happens."

"I believe you were complaining about your cold this morning."

"I know I say it in every episode, Carson, but the world is changing and we have to change with it."

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

"Wow, maybe Heidi Klum looks like Gisele Bundchen."

'I'm sorry, but we're letting all of you go. Your jobs have been outsourced to India.'

"On the plus side, people seem happier to see me lately...."

'I envy your metabolism.'

"Should I refer to it as 'Common Core'?"

'Let's do those Grimm brothers for hate speech.'

Man to man re: crackpot's sign that says, 'Your Nutty Idea Here': Everybody's out to make a buck these days.

Corporate Ladder.

For Sale - The rights to my story.