Savannah Storyteller Mugs

Man reading a newspaper. Trophy head of giraffe reading over his shoulder.

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'He was a handsome young prince when I married him.'

'the selling of seashells by the seashore was sluggish.'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"Hey! I've got audio but no visual!"

"Trust me, come low tide everyone will want these seats."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

Punch&Judy/Counselling

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

'Gee, Grandpa, you sure have a way with animals.'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

A child with a parasol is blown off the Chain Pier in Brighton

"It had an interesting emotional arc and some nice plot twists, but the heroine and subsidiary characters were unconvincing within the historical context."

The Month of June

"She doesn't eat raw zebra... Where can we get Alaska wild salmon in cream truffle sauce in the middle of Africa?"

"It's 'Architectural Digest.' "

'This chicken has no taste or character.' 'I thought you wanted to eat it, not offer it a job.'

'From the very beginning we felt that defeating the Big Bad Wolf would be meaningless unless we could parlay it into a book deal.'

Fisherman's catch getting it's revenge

Rapunzel climbs the tower.

Mega Construction Company: Paving Paradise and Putting Up Parking Lots for Over 50 Years. Deal with it.

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

Princess

Envelopes.

"I'm the king of the jungle! Why do I always get the hand-me-down phones?"

"Frank, you idiot! That's a Piñata."

'If you hold this shell to your ear you can hear the ARRRGH!'

"In other words homogenius."

statue in park: 'Arnold P. Rossiter, a local boy who went to the big city and made it big... and now he's back home, flipping burgers, just like we always said he would.'

Hadleyville Has-Beens