Saucy Storyteller Mugs

'This chicken has no taste or character.' 'I thought you wanted to eat it, not offer it a job.'

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Daughters at Bedtime

How I met your mother

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Hog Futures

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

Centaur falls in love.

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'Steroids.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'Wow...you must have had a really bad day, eh, mate?'

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

Philip Kindred Dick

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'