Saucepan Savant Pillows

'I thought I'd try making marmalade. Do we have any marmals?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

I did it my way.

"I come here for the pepper."

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

"Finally a perfume store my husband will enjoy visiting."

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

Fred interpreted the word compact as a verb, not as an adjective.

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

"I use old Duke to check my steaks. If it feels like Duke's tongue, it's rare, if it feels like his ear, it's medium. . ."

The Tragedy of Prosperity

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"Ah — excellent catsup."

Holiday Gifts 2020

'Not whale stew again.'

"House red, sir?"

'Just bring a few hundred sausages, plenty of wine and of course your barbeque.'

"Remember, son, you can be anything you want to be...except for maybe an aroma therapist."

'I tell you what: Thank goodness for tomato sauce...'

'I'm sorry, I can't reveal my sauce.'

Make Your Own Alphabet Soup Starter Kit

"Chef keeps the secrets of his sauces close to his chest"

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

'I think it needs more punctuation.'

'Ketchup? You know that's an insult to the chef, right?'

"Set phazers to medium rare!"

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

"Okay. Two Buffalo Burgers comin' right up"

"And I recommend to not get sauced."

"The reason my salt is so expensive is because it's preservative-free."

Department of Redundancy Department - 'Hot Dog' Frank Wiener, Director