Satirical Storytellers Pillows

"First of all, I'd like to thank all of the little pumpkins who made this night possible."

Vulnerability & Technology Venn Diagram

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

Drone Baby Delivery

'The poor shlubb -- his country still only has dial-up.'

"Having bitten the apple I think we should cover our phones with fig-leaves."

"Look darling, a wandering minstrel."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Pastries and Candy

'Are we there yet?'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

'He was a great writer'

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"#notguilty."

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

Jorge Luis Borges

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

Having moved to a tablet, the farmer's wife was done with mice. . .

The little engine that delegated

'New hope for dysfunctional couples: Read aloud the complete works of Trollope.'

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

"Honestly, I thought you were a metaphor."

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Tell me about your gap year, Mr, Van Winkle,'

"Yes, I'm sure of my 3 wishes - I wish I had a pen, I wish I had paper to write a 'rescue me' note, and I wish I had a bottle to send it in"

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

Snail: 'Do you mean to tell me I'm not a credible author?!'