Satirical Healthcare Observer Pillows

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'The doctor will see your insurance coverage now.'

Hello, this is Dr Helman. I'm not in at the moment. Take two Aspirins and call in the morning."

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Tomano. . .can you pay me?'

"Before I can recommend surgery, I have to find out what your net worth is."

New report finds 90% of GPs at risk of burnout

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."