Ritual Funster Gifts

'Once, just once, I'd like to use dribble glasses for communion. How about you?'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"I'm having my entrails read."

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

For the Wilsons, Gold Medalists Los Angeles '84, bathtime was always a ritual.

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

"You spoil that boy."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

With one badly timed dunk teabreak was ruined.

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."