Risk Management Humor Fan Prints

"What did I tell you about putting your eggs in one basket?"

'Now that I have your attention...'

Loan Alley

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Jumping Wall Street.

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

'The health and safety officer isn't happy. He want's you to tie your shoelaces.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

"The boss said this meeting's about taking us back to our origins!"

"Let us pray for the possessed...and the re-possessed"

'A boy! Standing on a burning deck! I bet nobody did a risk assessment?'

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

"We must do something about the bloated, fat cat image bankers have a acquired...I think I'll settle for a bigger chair!"

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

'It's a bill collector!'

'It's 10pm, does anyone know how much the U.S. dollar is worth?'

'The difference between Micro and Macro economics is this: Macro is what you owe, and Micro is what you're paid.'

"We've made such good progress with your stress management levels, that I feel able to risk a small setback."

'Can I help? You bet your bottom dollar I can.'

'Now that I think about it, you're right: Like bankers, we thrive on the misfortune of others...'

Credit card campaign ad

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

"Big surprise. That cost/benefit analysis cost up more than any benefit we've ever gotten from it."

"Phew! I narrowly avoided a near miss!"

'There's been a big bank merger, sir, so you now have a joint checking account with a Mr. Slavomir Bezparyadok of Zagreb.'