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"I forgot to pay the light bill. I swear, I would forget my head if it wasn't screwed on."

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"10th Anniversary Woodstock Reunion'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

Dracula acquires a taste for maple syrup.

Fossil record player.

Colonial Larrysburg.

"This woman's lib is getting beyond a joke!"

"Stop complaining. At least I have parents!"

'Each one is signed and numbered.'

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

'I don't know who you are stranger, but if you mess with big Gus you'll be in your coffin by dawn!'

Groovy Baby

'Frankendumpty'

“Hold on—wait until those people are out of the way.”

She did only twenty-eight of the thirty-two fouetts in the Black Swan pas de deux . . . or are my eyes deceiving me?

"May I ask what it's in connection with?"

"Yes, we do fix phones. But, what is that?"

'Yes, I'm fiercely opposed to stem cell research.'

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

"You must be patient, Mrs. Wast fall. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know."

'Oh great, these guys again! The big guy can't fit inside the MRI scanner, sheet boy falls right through it, and The Count's images never develop...'

Too young for the sixties, too squeamish for the seventies, too unambitious for the eighties, too technophobic for the 90s, too poor for the '00s, too old for the 'teens."