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"I forgot to pay the light bill. I swear, I would forget my head if it wasn't screwed on."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"10th Anniversary Woodstock Reunion'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

Mary Tyler Moore: Spot the Difference

Fossil record player.

Dracula acquires a taste for maple syrup.

Colonial Larrysburg.

"This woman's lib is getting beyond a joke!"

'I don't know who you are stranger, but if you mess with big Gus you'll be in your coffin by dawn!'

"Stop complaining. At least I have parents!"

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

'Each one is signed and numbered.'

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

Groovy Baby

'Frankendumpty'

"You must be patient, Mrs. Wast fall. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know."

Young Elvis

"May I ask what it's in connection with?"

Welcome to a parallel universe. It's like 50 years ago, man. Coffee costs a quarter, tie-dye is groovy, there is a draft. Lots of differences: Free love, man. Corporations are evil. And some similarities. Joy is a new 8-track player. Shut yer #@$% yapper!

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

She did only twenty-eight of the thirty-two fouetts in the Black Swan pas de deux . . . or are my eyes deceiving me?

“Hold on—wait until those people are out of the way.”

"Yes, we do fix phones. But, what is that?"

'Yes, I'm fiercely opposed to stem cell research.'

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

'Oh great, these guys again! The big guy can't fit inside the MRI scanner, sheet boy falls right through it, and The Count's images never develop...'

Too young for the sixties, too squeamish for the seventies, too unambitious for the eighties, too technophobic for the 90s, too poor for the '00s, too old for the 'teens."