Retired Actor Pillows

"I'm retired actor Daniel Day Lewis. They thought I was I was good. They don't know how good."

Shepherd and eurydice

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

"Bond James, Bond."

They hated me.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

Showbiz Awards

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

'They all want to play the star.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Extreme miming"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

'Hamlet'

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"