Retired Actor Pillows

"I'm retired actor Daniel Day Lewis. They thought I was I was good. They don't know how good."

Shepherd and eurydice

"Bond James, Bond."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

They hated me.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

Benedict Cumberbatch

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'They all want to play the star.'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Extreme miming"

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

'Hamlet'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"