Resume Rewriter Prints

'Of course, it's your business, but I wouldn't ever start a resume with 'Once upon a time in a land far far away!''

'I know I interviewed for this job last week, but I've reinvented myself six times since then.'

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"I didn't get the job. They said I was over-qualified."

"I've been sent home with unemployable-like symptoms."

'I don't have a resume, but I have accumulated an extensive paper trail.'

"No, I'm sorry, we're looking for special people."

"We're hiring, but not you!"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

Tweaking the CV.

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'