Resume Renovators T-Shirts

'Sometimes I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day -- but I wouldn't list it under 'career goals.'

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

Job interview

"According to your C.V. you were self employed, but you made yourself redundant?"

"Can you handle a variety of jobs?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Painting by the numbers for adults

Painting the Ceiling

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

'I found the termites!'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

' ... and this is the half bath.'

Resume Dumpers

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

'Harry won't even build me a new kitchen.'

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

"I've never seen a resume that's entirely made up of emojis. Let me take a few moments to decode it."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'

'How are you doing on your side?'

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."