Resume Referee Prints

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Now what?!'

College of Referee Training: 'Congratulations, you failed your eye test abysmally!'