Report Analyst T-Shirts

"We're trying to get staff to be more creative in their report writing." "I call this my dance of the fourth quarters client satisfaction survey."

'I would have had these reports done sooner, but someone rolled a ball with a bell inside it into my cubicle.'

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

'Your work is improving, Melvin. this report isn't half bad.'

'The new boss really liked my report. He just patted me on my back!'

Stressed woman tries to sleep knowing her status report for 48 projects is due in the morning.

"I can never seem to get my report in on time!"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

Light Bulb Moment

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"Morning, all!"

Lethal Presentation

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

Time Is Money

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

Six Thinking Hats

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"Was that my pager or yours?"

Think Tank

"Thank god you're early. It's a can of worms."