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"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"I think it means this is how they treat you 'In Rhode Island'."

Nativity: Saviour on Board

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

Holy Bible

'Wait a minute... What the heck is frankincense?'

Book

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

Tree of Knowledge/Tree of Evolution

'Don't try to deny it, Jehovah - we've got witnesses.'

"How long has he been missing?"

"Two for Bethlehem, I assume you want a Virgin flight."

Pastoring for Dummies

Best Seller of All Times...The Holy Bible:'No fair. You're creating your own readers.'

'But everybody does that stuff!'

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

"Do you have a minute to talk about God?"

'You can lead a horse to water, Ezra, but you can't...?'

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

Amish man looking at 'living in sin' greetings cards.

"Consititutionally there's no bar to marriage. I'm C. of E."

"I think I know why you've been so stuffed-up lately."

"Due to a breakdown in communication, 'Nilla Wafers' will be used for the communion service."

"Why did you become a crusader? You don't even go to church."

'Yes, and don't call me Shirley.'