Relationship Novices T-Shirts

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

"Shiver-me-timbers, wench! How many times have I got to tell you? I'm not winking at you!"

'Sorry, J.B., but I never merge after a first meeting.'

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

'Don't even think about it!'

"What part of 'keep it bipartisan' didn’t you understand?"

Absolutely No Credit

"Cupcakes for the judge? You're new here, aren't you?"

"Smiley, where will we be in 10 years?"

'The position carries no salary but does provide for full medical and dental coverage, with three weeks vacation.'

"So...have you ever kissed a girl before?"

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

Freshman Ryan Brenneman was having a tough time acclimating to life away from home.

"It's a pretty standard contract - just sign here below, ' ... and hung by the neck until dead.'"

'You never had it so good! Just wait! You'll come crawling back to me!'

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

'No, I'm not interested in hearing a counter proposal.'

"First date. You'd think she would have done something about her eraser."

"Hey, not bad! You sound like a real couple already!"

Negotiating Skills for Beginners.

"It's not what you know, it's who you know." "Either way, I'm starting from scratch."

Tom Prepares for his Hot Date.

"If you have a boyfriend, I have some advice, young lady! Wisdom that's been handed down from generation to generation!"

"Dude...Smiley wants to meet me for a burger...maybe it means she's hungry."

"So we're cool? We can go on a date?"

"Frankie, baby, I'm sorry; but I've made someone else."

'She'll sign that prenuptial if he'll sign this postnuptial agreement.'

"Baldo, a young man like you might have a lot of questions...about feelings, emotions...not knowing what is right and wrong. Remember, mi'jo...I'm here if you need me."

Kerry's New Job: Be careful what you wish for...