Relationship Humor Buff Prints

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

Hazardous!

'The trouble with marriage is the unintended consequences.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Life is for the birds.

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

Reading the sports pages.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

Always Compatible

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation