Relationship Humor Buff Prints

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

Hazardous!

'The trouble with marriage is the unintended consequences.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Life is for the birds.

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

Reading the sports pages.

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Always Compatible