Regulation Jester T-Shirts

"So, THAT'S what 'compliance' means!"

No smoking section, no sugar section and no salt sections.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Dog walking Human.

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"When I said to convince him of the need for change I was hoping you'd use the seductive power of reason and logic."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

"...And now show us what you said."

"I don't plead."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

Disorder in the Court!