Regulation Jester T-Shirts

"So, THAT'S what 'compliance' means!"

No smoking section, no sugar section and no salt sections.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Dog walking Human.

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

"When I said to convince him of the need for change I was hoping you'd use the seductive power of reason and logic."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

A baby in court

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Disorder in the Court!

"I don't plead."

"...And now show us what you said."

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."