Refund Regular T-Shirts

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Rump roast?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"And would you like flies with that?"

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"I need to increase my salary so I can increase my spending."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

I wish I'd had the review.

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Prawn Cocktail Please

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."