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'Of course it's a lengthy process. We feel hiring you should be as difficult as firing you.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Quality Control

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'Should be home soon. I'm just clearing away the usual paperwork.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

An astronaut sees a sign saying zoning in force.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

'I hope you have planning permission for that?'

"We need warning stickers on this side warning not to ignore all the other warning stickers on the other side."

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"I told my manager that I couldn't cope with the endless mind numbing paperwork. I said I'd had enough of the bureaucracy, that I had to get out."

Distractions: Work Disputes

Fed up with unnecessary bureaucracy?...what people don't appreciate is that if they don't fill out their C90D then how can we POSSIBLY know how many C90ds there ARE!

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'This is the questionnaire we need everyone to fill out about their views on excessive bureaucracy.'

'The government is keen not to interfere with private enterprise.'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

"Before we test this, do you know how to fill out an accident report?"