Red Tape Navigator Pillows

"These new regulations will fundamentally change the way we get around them."

"It's the latest Government guidance on 'managing paperwork for small businesses'"

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

"It's a 300 page government questionnaire about cutting back on bureacracy."

How Many It Takes

"Ah, you'll be wanting our red tape department, third door on the left!"

'You forgot the form number? No problem- Just fill out this form number request form.'

"It's always cozy in here. We're insulated by layers of bureaucracy."

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

'By the time we'd lobbied the government, got planning permission, raised capitol, put the job out to tender and built it we didn't need it any more.'

Bureaucraze...

'Before we start could we just confirm whether you are a 'client', 'customer', 'user' or just popped in to get out of the rain?'

'Hang on, before you wash those have you completed module B/c2 of your mandatory training in 'hand sanitisation' procedures?'

"...I thought I was too smart, too idealistic to end up this way, but LOOK at me! I've become an entrenched bureaucrat!"

"This is how your line management works out!"

'The DOH is targeting the problem of repeat prescriptions with some repeat proposals.'

'Miss Hopkins, write two letters to accounting about our duplicate billing problem.'

The Bureaucrat's Desk

'It's a questionnaire asking why you're interested in early retirement.'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

"What do you think of all these insurance forms and paperwork, Pastor?"

'We've been looking into absences at our meetings and it turns out that Nigel died in 2006 and Trevor never actually worked here!'

'This is Nurse Jenkins, she'll be responsible for documenting and filing your request to go to the toilet.'

To Be Fully Compliant - Deposit 50 cents.

'Its reading Health and Safety Regulations that make me feel sick!'

How governments work...

Bureaucrat

Suppliers of fine pin-stripe

"Management wants to come back on unnecessary paperwork, if you come across any they want you to fill out these forms."

Be sure to have your insurance forms.

'This could get tricky -- before I can operate, I'll have to file an environmental impact statement.'

Bureaucratic speech

Inland Revenue Awards - The next award is for the longest time it took to give a tax payer the correct code.

"Yes, we are accepting resumes. Just put yours in our resume pool."

'Not everyone is comfortable with slashing bureaucracy!'