Red Tape Disliker Pillows

"Do you remember when ALL we had to worry about was dealing with clients?"

'Let's not go by the book.'

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

'I hope you have planning permission for that?'

Distractions: Work Disputes

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'This is the questionnaire we need everyone to fill out about their views on excessive bureaucracy.'

"Before we test this, do you know how to fill out an accident report?"

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

Tweed makes a Mockery of the Supreme Court

"Please fill out these forms. We don't need them for anything, but you're making me nervous staring at your watch."

Planning permission REFUSED...

"Ambitions... to finish on the winning side for a change."

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

"So we are four days into the new Procurement Act. How are you feeling?"/"I am ok and everything seems to be fine, but I miss the anticipation."

Happy holidays from the IRS! To celebrate we've switched our usual red tape to red ribbon!

'It's an EIEIO!'

'Of course there are more bureaucrats than field workers! It's more fun to create regulation, than to actually enforce it!'

'Of course it's a lengthy process. We feel hiring you should be as difficult as firing you.'

"By the time we'd lobbied the government, got planning permission, raised capital, put the job out to tender and built it we didn't need it any more!"

"What do people mean when they say the recruitment process was 'opaque'?

'This is a serious complaint, we need time to consider it properly...about 15 years should do!'

Before we can rescue you...you need a safety check.

"Have you read this report? Staff are spending 60% of their time on admin!"

'It's the paperwork you need to fill out to show that we're focussing on patients needs.'

Man's house has sign reading 'Sod the council'. His neighbour says: 'Frankly, I'm amazed you got planning permission.'

Office worker on phone: 'If you could just email me the faxes of the photocopies of the transcripts of the fifteen phone messages in question, that would probably be the simplest.'

UN agreements.