Red Carpet Critic Prints

"Aren't you ready yet?"

'Those wellies don't go with that dress...'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'We're the first film ever in HD 3-D DOUBLE D!'

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

All it takes is a little willpower and a good metabolism...

Nick Cave

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Snow White and her Seven people.

May I have the envelope, please?

"I was at a party with SO many famous people, I was the only one there I'd never heard of..!"

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

Band Aid-style rock stars wear T-shirts that read : 'Feed my ego'.

W.C. Fields

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"Would you like something by an over promoted high-price athlete or a nobody from Jersey?"

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

No Talent Agency

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

The Pooperrazzi

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."

Oscars

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

The Bland Leading the Bland

Chihuahua's nightmare: 'There's a sneering voice talking to me: 'You'll get stuffed between a blonde celebrity's breasts till you can't breathe anymore!' Then I wake up bathed in sweat...'

Hades Movie Awards After Show. The dealy sins were all here -- They love walking the red carpet! Pride won tonight for a leading role and envy won for a supporting role. Wrath was seen yelling at at the paparazzi ... Lust tried to meet beautiful actresses ... and Gluttony rushed off to the buffet. Greed is already counting all the money he'll make because he won an award. And when sloth won, he received the night's biggest ovation ... because he was too lazy to give an acceptance speech!

'And who are you wearing?'

Jude Law.

"The voices in my head want to sing on 'American Idol.'"

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."