Receptionist T-Shirts

"Miss Dugan, will you send someone in here who can distinguish right from wrong?"

'The Doctor will see you now. Here's your medical jargon dictionary.'

'Mrs. Cranley! You need to sign this HIPAA privacy form before the doctor can look at those warts on your stomach!'

"Sir, the following paradigm shifts occurred while you were out."

"He's not in today. You can email, comment on his blog, tweet him, leave a voicemail or contact him on Facebook. I can't take a message. That's above my payscale."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

'You have seven phone messages telling you to check your e-mail, and thirteen e-mails telling you to answer your phone.'

'Would you like to wait?'

Desk trays - 'In', 'Out', and 'It depends'.

'...and here's our filing system.'

'There's nothing wrong with me. I just want to ask the doctor if any of these drugs I saw on TV are right for me.'

'I hate toask again, but what is it I'm supposed to be looking for?'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Must be a personal call - she snarls at the customers!'

'This call may be monitored for training purposes or just to keep our staff amused.'

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'I'm sorry but Mr Jones is not seeing anyone in person. Do you have a webcam on your laptop?'

'I've never heard you say a kind word about anyone, Sylvia...I could listen to you all day.'

Hospital - "Do you have an appointment."

"Here's your room key, and here's your mountain view."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I don't believe you know us well enough to call us the Fed."

At the health spa: "Where's the washroom? I need to detoxify."

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

'I'm sorry, he's not available. Can you call back when you're more important?'

Receptionist to patients in waiting room: 'The doctor will be with you tomorrow as he believes that time heals all wounds.'

'Yeah, I'll get onto it as soon as I've finished my coffee.'

Society for Asking Stupid Questions

'Washrooms are down the hall.'

'This is the department of staying ahead of the curve...you want the bureau of thinking outside the box.'

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

'Try recording it again but this time, don't laugh when you say, 'Your call is important to us'.'

'Is it urgent?'

"Your appointment with the doctor is at eleven-fifteen, but his appointment with you is at twelve-fifteen."

'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'

"As receptionist, you'll be answering the phone, greeting customers and doing whatever else they dump on you."