Recent Fatherhood Pillows

"I miss the Augean stables."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

Doughboy Dad

"That's mine!"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

Roger Buffle Jr. supplies his father with yet another computer password.

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"Which one's yours?"

"Which one's yours?"

"Which one's mine?"

"It's a dependent!"

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

Mime father in the delivery room.

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"Every time I tie my shoes, the laces come undone...I think it's a conspiracy!"

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

Baby gets blame for father letting off a fart.

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out