Realness Enthusiast Prints

"For heaven's sake Timothy, stop trying to put a brave face on everything"

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

American Idle.

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Can't Touch This

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

'Has Oprah ever been married?'

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

'School of hard knocks.'

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

Prepare yourself, America. Dancing with the Stars is poised to present a new 12-week competition. And you'll never guess who's dancing now! Listen to the passion and fight in our newest celebrity dancer

"Am I through to the next round?"

America's funniest election gaffes

Big Brother watching you watch Big Brother

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

New from Low-Key Press.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

Dispute between Pelosi and Trump

I can now come clean. The person who secretly told me that Mitch McConnell loves Dr. Pimple Popper is … Hold it! Hold it? Commercial break. Nothing' says sexy like cholesterol.

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."