Real Estate Professional Pillows

'Tell him we'll pay his asking price if the goose stays.'

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

"Of course it's latex. It's for display purposes only."

'I'm sorry, but we haven't seen a price range that low since Roosevelt was in office.'

'The owner is motivated.'

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'That's not subsidence. That's land rising up on either side.'

Rising damp's not a problem.

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

'How are house sales going?'

'That must be the termite inspector.'

'I grew up near a toxic waste dump, so why should I mind buying a house near one?'

The Movers Strip- lifestyle of home owners

The real selling feature is the ocean front location...

"Of course it's a bit out of your price range but you could always think about subletting."

"Catchment area for schools?"

How often do the planes fly overhead..?

". . . and this is your lovely pool, albeit communal."

Here Lies Edward Lamb - Husband, Father & Estate Agent.

Updated Classic: Bleak House Sales

Trump Tower Lease Dispute

'Sir, I'm an estate agent. Not a showbiz agent.'

'Deal or no deal?'

Mipim jollies

An Englishman's home is his sand castle.

"I've just been gazumped!"

"We hardly notice we're on a flight path."

'Has this one got cavity walls?' - 'Only since the rats moved in.'

Daily planner. 12:00 - Meet financial advisor. 1:00 - Meet legal advisor. 2:00 - Meet professional advisor. 3:00 - Meet real estate advisor. 4:00 - Meet spiritual advisor. 5:00 - Fire time management advisor.

"In today's market, this little gem with a view won't last long."

The President Lived by the Eviction Notice in the 1970s. Will He Die By One in the 2010s?

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."