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Table Tennis

"Portrait of a Lady"

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"It's Zeus' latest obsession."

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Ratminton

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"I hope you're good, Charlie. I've only played a couple of times."

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Cristiano Ronaldo

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

The Harper Plays Cricket.

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

Football.

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

Fox hunting.

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

"So it was a performance enhancing drug."

Soccer player being showered with toilet roles and a toilet.

"Would you like something by an over promoted high-price athlete or a nobody from Jersey?"