Quote Cynics Prints

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Disregard this baloney if you're asthmatic."

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

The Forever Stamp

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"With great power comes great reward."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

Will Self deprecation

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

Suggestions Get Shredded.

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!