Quitting Jokes Appreciator T-Shirts

"Right Smithers... Heads - I sack you; tails - you resign."

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"Who's got the hammer?"

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

Fly Fishing

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"Steamed vegetables."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'Oh Hi!'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

What's an Imax cave?

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

The Greek Trampoline