Quirky Poet Mugs

This year I thought I'd do something different and give up writing Haiku poetry!

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

Pigeon Little

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Glance Exchange

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Optimist

Reverse psychology

"How about a hand."

"It's just a tree."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"Don't editorialize."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'