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'Have you seen my husband? I left him by the lobster tank a few minutes ago!'

'How much would you charge to kill my husband'

"Surprise!... I'm an alcoholic!"

'You've finally gone crazy - asking that goldfish questions and then ignoring its replies!'

Jungle dweller swings from outhouse with toilet paper stuck to his foot.

"Once our package arrived, it didn't take long before the porch pirates arrived."

Hoppers leave Luke's Pub at the end of Hoppy Hour.

In Case of An Irresistable Urge to Break Something

"You're not from around here...are you?"

'The following programme may be unsuitable for those of a nervous disposition.'

Woman in Bath has Three Legs.

Dyslexic Pandas

'Creepy.'

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'

"So, when did you first notice that your wife's head was turning into a pigeon face?"

'I've discovered a talking amoeba!' '2+2=4, 5-4=1, 93=3.' SMASH 'I wanted to get it before it multiplied.'

Doomsayer Road Signs

The Great Otto's new 'reverse magic' act proved to be unpopular with the children

'Nobody move...This is a hold up!'

Later that day, Jim and Lisa fell in love in hospital!

Cell phones seem as if they are designed for a T-Rex!

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

At least he died with his boobs on

World's Worst Triathlete.

People, please listen. I'm talkin' 'bout your coffee. Haven't you wondered why it's so reddish and rich-looking here, but so watery when you make it at home? It's because they add due made of crushed beetles! Also, for all you know, it was grown in a tiny Colombian village by the impoverished love-children of secret service agents and courtesans. Never mind. Bugs! Bugs! You almost lost us.

Why do we have pistols? I thought we were back-to-back to see who is taller!

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Noah's lesser known brother.

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"You left this on our ship."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Theatre Masks and Butts