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CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Who knew grass migrates?

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'You're not supposed to block off an area to look for your contact lens.'

Crop Circle: Meet the Author

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Jimmy. Stick to the outline.'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."