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'They divided everything in half when they divorced.'

'The Algenist meets the Alchemist.'

Blind date with girl with elephant trunk for nose

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"Even though he knows it's a robocall, he can't resist answering his phone. We are weaning him off his answering urge."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Batman at the Maternity Ward

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

The Fourth Little Pig

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Cariactures

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

'Been Away?' A piece of bread looks at a piece of brown toast as if it's got a suntan.

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Super-Papi moves swiftly to defeat the evil Electronico!

"You and your, 'why bother to learn another language. Everyone in the known universe speaks, Zarconian'!"

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

Welcome Spring.

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"You've changed."

Bears catching fish

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

'Super Dog'

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'What clan do you belong to?'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.