Quarterly Reviews Pillows

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

'The Sales Figures for this month aren't looking too healthy - any ideas?'

"You've made your point, Henshaw."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"I hate performance review season."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

Soaring Profits

Business is off the chart.

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"At least we're consistent ... "

Beware of the 4th quarter.

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"Which way up do you want it?"

"And so if the pillage numbers don't improve this quarter, I have just one word for you: waterskis."

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

"And this all happened in the last week..."

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

Financial chart with frowny and smiley faces.

"It's been a great year - let's hope we can keep the shareholders from finding out."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.